Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
