Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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