When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
