he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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