its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize