i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize