I cannot find my penis.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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