I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
