i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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