Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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