Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
