Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
