all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
