I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
