Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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