I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
