I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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