I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
