Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
