i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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