dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
