I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
