i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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