we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need a beard to bite.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
