i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
