I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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