come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
