uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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