i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it hurts more in the daytime
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
