listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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