he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
