so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
