Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
