Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
