Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
