the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
