TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
