I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
