Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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