So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
