You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
