My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Come on in and take your pants off
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