You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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