David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
