I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
