I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
