EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
