My hand turned me down
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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