ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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