last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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