So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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