He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All the doctor said was why
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize