did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
