Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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