You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
