I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
