No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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