I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
