I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
