I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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