Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
