i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
