I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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