Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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