I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
