Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
