My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
