I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
