I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
