Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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