just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
