My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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