her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
